How To Not Be A Clueless Idiot When Dating From Said Clueless Idiot

IMG_9621

Hello Lovelies!

It’s been a while since I have shared a lighthearted, creative post on this page and as I tease this dating content I figure there is no better time to start releasing it! I have wanted to share various dating horror stories but I have remained hesitant to do so as those stories do not involve only me and I try to respect others privacy. With that being said, here are my recent experiences, to show you what not to do. You are welcome!

Dating Apps

By this point I have no idea how many dating apps are out there but there are certainly some top contenders and at least there is something for everyone! No matter what app you prefer, here are some helpful tips!

Instead of calling yourself an “Instagram Model” or “Lifestyle Blogger,” make that job title more convincing with words like creative, entrepreneur, or self-employed.

Do not swipe right on people you do not like. And do not stay matched with them after they send 10+ intro messages.

Do not forget to mention some of your top deal breakers in your bio. This way you do not end up talking to a criminal (or a fan of illegal activity) for weeks or months or years.

DO let people know what you are looking for, even if you do not know. Someone who explicitly asks for apples is much less likely to receive oranges.

Snapchat

I have a personal vendetta against this app and have honestly deleted it after many failed attempts to flirt with other humans. I am not saying to never use this app, but maybe do not give out your username if you do not want creepy messages from strangers.

Do not bombard your crush with literally every detail of your day in picture form.

But do not be afraid to message first.

If you do not like someone, stop sending photos of your face and switch to photos of the ceiling… maybe they’ll get the hint but also maybe not.

Do not use this app to say “I love you,” whether you have met the person or not.

Do not creep on someones location or snap score for literally any reason especially in the context of dating.

And never answer a “u up” text with an actual detailed description of what you are doing or how you are feeling at that hour.

First Dates

Ok Imma just dive into these tips:

DO NOT follow a stranger into the woods just because they say it is cooler than getting coffee. Coffee is great, the atmosphere is wonderful and all those people in that public place are your friends.

At least check if they have a mugshot before going to the woods or a mall or his parents house.

Do not say you are available all afternoon and then disappear 15 minutes in.

Here’s an icebreaker that has worked only one time: pretend you’re afraid of something and see if they hug you.

If the date is bad, do not act like it is not.

Meeting People Not On An App (aka IRL)

Do not stalk their Instagram and later pretend you have never seen it when it comes up in conversation.

Do hold extended eye contact with them as you make them more and more uncomfortable to be around you. This will make you memorable.

DO NOT pretend to be on the phone with someone just to get out of a potentially bland/awkward conversation with your crush. Not a good idea.

Do enlist a friends help when deep stalking – ask them to view the person’s story or investigate their age – this way you are much less creepy for not doing it yourself.

Ok I think that’s enough for now! I hope you all enjoy this very random post and you remember that it is designed to be funny and not to be taken seriously!

xx,

A

One thought on “How To Not Be A Clueless Idiot When Dating From Said Clueless Idiot

  1. Helpful stuff! I never thought about looking up to see if whomever I’m meeting has a mugshot, but there have been a lot of hate crimes within the gay community. So now that I think about it, I should look into that before I meet with a guy. Thanks!

    Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s